By Dr. Dharius Daniels
“Who do you think you are?”
That phrase usually has a negative connotation in today’s culture. It’s a challenge. It’s confrontational. When someone is getting up in our space or operating outside their area of expertise, we may ask that question as a way to say, “Check yourself.” “Step back.” “Take a moment to evaluate your actions and attitudes.”
Who do you think you are?
Notice the emphasis on the word think. We’re not asking, “Who are you?”—which is a valid question in and of itself. We’re asking, “Who do you think you are?” What is your opinion about who you are? Who do you believe yourself to be?
I mention that because it illustrates an important point—namely, that your opinion of who you are isn’t necessarily the same thing as the reality of who you are. Those two are connected, of course, but your opinion of who you are can influence the reality of who you are. Sometimes your opinion can even supersede that reality.
To offer an example, we all know people who think of themselves as “less than.” Less than lovable. Less than intelligent. Less than competent. Less than attractive. Less than whatever.
Is that reality? No. Each of those individuals has been handcrafted by the Creator of the universe. Each of those individuals is bursting with potential and blessed with skills, abilities, and talents. Each of those individuals possesses immeasurable value simply because they are members of the human race and image bearers of the Almighty.
That’s reality. But when people believe themselves to be less than, that belief will supersede their reality.
Here’s a principle that lies at the core of my book Your Purpose Is Calling: Who you think you are plays a critical role in everything you do and everything you experience in your life. Why? Because you will always behave in a way that is consistent with how you view yourself.
Let me repeat that. You will always behave in a way that is consistent with how you view yourself.
Do you believe at the core that you are and always will be poor? If so, you’re going to live and behave and make decisions as a poor person. The same is true if you believe yourself to be unattractive. Or believe that you don’t have a good sense of humor. Or that you’re not good at making friends. Or any other convictions that connect with the core of your character.
Thankfully, the flip side also applies. When you and I believe at the core that we are successful, we will behave in ways that increase our chances of success. When we trust that we are likable and worthy of being loved, we will find ourselves much more comfortable in our closest relationships. When we know in our hearts that God loves us and cares for us, we will live as people who are worthy of that love and care.
I’m not talking about wishful thinking. If you spend a full day telling yourself, I’ve got a million dollars in the bank. I’ve got a million dollars in the bank. I’ve got a million dollars in the bank—well, you’re going to be disappointed when you check your balance. There is some power in positive thinking, but the idea of sending good vibes to the universe has never been enough.
What I am talking about is identity. What I’m talking about is your personal assessment of your internal reality, your core convictions about what kind of person you are and what you are capable of achieving.
So let me ask that question again: Who do you think you are?
What do you believe to be true about yourself? What are the key opinions and core principles that serve as the foundation of your sense of self? And how are those beliefs driving and influencing everything you do and everything you experience?
I don’t know how you would answer those questions. I don’t know who you think you are. But I do know you’re correct. Just as the proverb says, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7, my translation).
The Power of Your Unique Identity
As a pastor and a coach, I have the regular privilege of interacting with people on a deeper level. A lot of people. Like, tens of thousands over the past twenty years. Walking alongside an individual, a couple, or a family is an honor I take seriously, and I absolutely love the work of digging in to identify and help remove the obstacles holding people back from experiencing genuine transformation and real abundance in their lives.
You know what I’ve learned after two decades of that work? Very few people have a strong sense of their own identity. Very few people truly know who they are.
That’s a big problem. Why? Because our identity is a foundational element for all the wonderful things each of us is looking for in our lives: meaning, peace, fulfillment, joy, abundance, and so on. Identity is one of the keys in our pockets that helps us unlock all of that and more.
Let’s take a moment to focus on an important word that is intimately connected with unique identity. That word is calling. If we don’t know who we are, how can we understand who we were created to be? How can we fully grasp our gifts and talents and experiences? Identity has a huge impact on personal peace and self-esteem, because those benefits are generated by a proper understanding of who we are.
Here’s another critical word: purpose. If we don’t know who we are, how can we understand what we were created to do? How can we feel certain about our vocation, our reason for being, and the larger goals we are striving to achieve? Identity is intimately connected with our purpose.
If you don’t have a strong sense of your identity—the core of who you are—then you are running the risk of living most of your life before you figure out what you’re supposed to do with it. You’re at risk of continuing to be swallowed up by frustration, confusion, anxiety, and restlessness for another week. Another month. Another year. Another decade.
That’s why I’ve written Your Purpose Is Calling. Because it doesn’t have to be that way. It won’t be that way for you if we walk together through Your Purpose Is Calling, because you’re going to discover the power not just of your identity, but of your unique identity.
That’s key. Because you are unique. You are handcrafted and carefully planned by your Creator, which means you are unlike any other person who exists or has ever existed—past, present, and future. You aren’t just one in a million; you are one in eight billion and counting.
Yes, you’re different. But that’s a blessing! Your difference is your superpower. The fact that you are unique means you have something special to offer the world—something only you can deliver.
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Adapted from Your Purpose Is Calling: Your Difference Is Your Destiny by Dr. Dharius Daniels. Click here to learn more about this excellent book.
Discover exactly who you were created to be and what you were created to do by learning to see yourself the way God sees you.
The key to understanding, embracing, and unleashing your God-given uniqueness is possessing an accurate picture of your true identity. After all, if you don’t know who you are, how could you ever know what you’ve been born to do?
In Your Purpose Is Calling, Dr. Dharius Daniels, founder of Change Church, takes you on a journey of discovering your identity through a threefold solution of finding fulfillment, fit, and fruitfulness. In the process, you’ll learn to:
- Overcome the obstacles—such as comparison, approval seeking, and emotional injuries—that inhibit you from fully embracing yourself
- Exit the boat of normal living and step onto the sea of the abnormal
- Thrive through effective self-leadership
- Uncover your unique design, desires, dreams, and destiny
God says that his people are exceptional, which means your future need not be limited by the world’s expectations. Move forward with the confidence that your individual purpose is as unique and exceptional as you are.
Dr. Dharius Daniels, one of the most prolific communicators of our day, is on a mission to help as many people as possible become their best selves while doing their best work. Speaker, coach, and certified emotional intelligence specialist, Dharius specializes in helping others self-optimize without self-destructing. With over twenty years of leadership experience, Dharius understands that right information can cause a comprehensive revolution. His most recent book, Relational Intelligence, became an instant bestseller. Dr. Dharius serves thousands of members through the Daniels Den Mentoring & Coaching Program. He is lead pastor of the multisite and multiregional Change Church, has served as adjunct professor at Princeton, and hosts The Dharius Daniels Podcast. Dharius is married to his college sweetheart, Shameka, and they are the proud parents of two sons, Seth and Gabriel.
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